Not the nicest thing to hear

I might have mentioned this somewhere before, maybe here, or maybe on my wordpress back then, but just so you'd have a clearer picture of what I am going to be talking about, here's what happened.

Daddy gotten into an accident just months after I was born, and it was pretty bad. Bad as in even until today, 20 years later, he still has screws embedded in his bones in his leg; Bad as in the car was mutilated so badly, it had to be scrapped; Bad as in there was even newspaper articles about the accident when it occurred.

From what I know of it, from the age that I was able to understand things well enough, that the area where the accident occurred, was an accident prone zone, and he was not the first to have encountered such an accident, and neither is he the last.

However, he likes to (jokingly, as I am inclined to believe), put the blame of that accident on my shoulders. Because, as he says, he took care of me in the night after a long day of work to let mummy rest, and so was lacking the 精神 to drive that day, which thus resulted in the crash.

But, daddy, as much as I love you, there is a limit to such jokes. Because, don't you think, it would hurt? Once, twice, maybe three times, I can accept. But every time anything to do with the accident comes up, you'd just so conveniently say "It's all your fault lor..." Don't you think I'd be affected?

Do you think I would have wished that accident upon you? That I want you to have gotten so hurt that you were in hospital for such a long time? Honestly, each joke should have it's limit, and this has gone way past the acceptable line. When you mentioned it over dinner earlier, I was so terribly upset. To the point that I barely said a single word from that point. But, you didn't seem to realise at all. And to think, you are actually quite observant. I honestly didn't and would never peg you as someone to be so obtuse, and so I hope, for my sake and mental well-being more than anything else, that you'd just seriously drop this joke forever. Because, it really hurts to be labelled as the one at fault for an accident, one which I have no intention of causing, and also could not have in any way made happen. Really, it's not the nicest thing to hear, or even feel. Put yourself in my shoes, and I'm pretty sure you'd feel the same as I do.

Late night thoughts

It's always at times like these, when instead of sleeping, my mind starts to whir. 

You might not know otherwise, but with all the things I've gone through, even at such a young age, it has left me with much hurt and a cynical mind. 

To be very honest, I'm already sensitive enough as it is. But as things happens, and as I fall and hurt myself along the way, I just end up getting more scarred and sensitive then I was. 

Although it may be true, that I have indeed become numb to much of it. Certain stuff does trigger it off, and leaving me to over think things. 

Especially when it ends up such that I'm alone (at night). Have never said this, but I really dislike being alone when I sleep, having had shared a room with my sister since forever. 

One issue that always have me on edge, is the "no reply". I believe though, I'm not the only one, and many of you are with this on me. 

Like when people, friends, your significant other half, whoever it may be, fail to reply your text... I'm sure you're always left wondering if its because you're not worth their time or attention etc...

Or when people claim they miss you, but do nothing to remedy that, be it talking to you, meeting up with you, and even rejecting your offers to meet up.

You may say I think too much, but well, I'm pretty darn sure I don't stand alone on this issue. 

Ok, well, that's about it I guess. Just needed someplace to get it off my chest, and this blog is pretty much for that purpose anyway!

Yes, and in spite of how bleak this post is, I'll leave you all with this.