It has been an extremely long and trying week, from what should have been an afternoon of visiting grandma ended up with me being shook awake in shock to learn about her death a mere 3 hours upon reaching home after work in the morning.
To say that I was crushed, would be taking it lightly. Grandma was and is the only reason I can speak in teowchew, however minimally it is, and understand it as well as I do now. For the sole reason that other than teowchew, she only understands bahasa melayu from her time spent working in the hospitals as an amah.
At that point, I had not been to see her for about a week and a half, and the morning she passed, was the one day I was free to visit her that week. But alas, fate decides that it should play such a cruel trick on me. Especially considering how I actually felt some weird tugging on my heart on the way home from work, a little niggling that just didn't bode too well with me. But still, it was late. 3AM going on 4, and how could I bring myself to go over to her place at that timing and disturb her, and my aunt and the helper at that timing, knowing that grandma barely sleeps at night anymore.
To be honest, I knew, that she had not many days left, not when she was refusing to eat or drink, and barely sleeping either. The fact that she was in and out of hospital as frequently as she did gave me an inclination to her state. But still, as much as I would have liked for her to stop suffering, I was, unprepared to lose her.
At this point though, all I can say is, grandma, we'll keep the family ties strong, and may you find grandpa, and rest in peace, and look after us all from above. You'll forever be in our memories, and we'll miss you dearly.
I LOVE YOU, GRANDMA!