i give up

好久没PO东西了，今天回来，要PO的又是一些不开心的心事...

不知为何最近总觉得有些孤单寂寞，而且最难受的就是有一种无论我付出了多少，却一直没有收到我想拥有的回报。

但说实在的，我在寻找的其实也并不是真正的回报，而是对方的接受与同时的付出。

Honestly, I cannot take this anymore. I try so hard to give my best effort, and make an effort to bringing our relationship closer, and stuff. But if the effort is not reciprocated, or even at least met, it just makes me feel so dejected. It's like, what am I even trying so hard for? I don't have to. I'm not obligated to.

We live under the same fucking roof, but we don't really know much about one another do we... 20 and 17 years of being your older sister respectively, but what do I really know about the both of you. Other than what I can see on the surface, and what I can tell about your personalities, NOTHING. ZILCH.

I sometimes, wonder if we really are family. Or if any other family out there is like this too? Never understanding one another beyond what's visible.. I understand that this is a sensitive topic and stuff, but right now, I just kinda need to get it out of my system.

I mean, like if you were in my position, and you constantly tried to make plans to go out with your sister or brother, but is always rejected for reasons like "I rather sleep" or "Don't think I'm free" or "huh, lazy la" wouldn't you feel as upset as I was, and currently am?

I don't know, but I think I've hit the breaking point, and I've had enough of putting in effort only to see it wash down the drain fruitlessly. I just can't anymore.

COUNTING DOWN

LITERALLY!

If you haven't already saw, I had shared this maybe quite a few days ago on tumblr, and fed it to my twitter as well. But here's the news!

I'LL BE SPENDING CHRISTMAS AND NEW YEAR'S IN TAIWAN!!!

Finally getting my wish come true~ We'll be counting down at the 101 in Taipei. Yay to spectacular fireworks, and 7-8 hours of concert with mandopop artiste (although I don't yet know who the line up is, I really don't give two hoots even if there isn't someone I remotely like performing that night right at this moment)! I honestly can't wait! It's like gonna be the most exciting, EVER!

We'll be headed to Kaohsiung; Kenting; Yilan; Taipei & Taoyuan this time around. /It's gonna be our third time in Taiwan this year end. First time was what seemed like a gazillion years ago, back in summer of '08, and the previous was also during the Chirstmas period in '12. Missed the countdown then by like a mere half a day. Our flight was on the morning of the 31st. It was really upsetting, considering 2013's countdown saw major acts like Aaron Kwok!!!


And although the itinerary is still really loose yet, all that matters, is that the hotel in TPE has been booked, and we're all set to spend two nights (30 & 31 Dec) there, before heading off to Taoyuan for some major R&R time, most probably gonna book a hot spring resort or something, and come back on the 3/4 of January.

Oh, and... Daddy just happily tasked me to set the plans for Kenting on my own. Like, he just threw me free reigns to do what I want entirely, from booking of the hotel/resort to the day's plans, including where we will eat, and how we will drive there from Kaohsiung, to the point we reach Yilan. But then again, it's just one night in Kenting, so it shouldn't be that bad. Just have to find a reasonably priced accommodation in a convenient location to the places worth looking at... 

On a hindsight though, Kenting in winter. HAHAHA. Prepared to freeze my butt off. Sea winds are literally no joke.

Dismal

I've dieted so many times I can't even count how many different types I've tried.
Some, gives me good lasting results, whilst others, are mere temporary water weight lost.

I've been on a variety of fruits and/or vegetable diets, often lasting 3-5 days which sees me losing 2-3kilos by the end of the third day. Low carbs, or as low as I can manage.. I love rice.
But the most recent, (on-going) diet I'm attempting is just dismal, and makes me really miserable.
It's a 7 day fruit and vegetable diet which I came across, with fixed meal plans, and depending on how closely you follow the diet, it states that one should be able to lose 7-8kilos at the end of the diet.
Am currently half way through D4, and the results are proving to be far from so.

Started of as such:
D1: _2.4
D2: _0.8 = >1.6kilo
D3: _0.4 = >0.4kilo
D4: _0.3 = >0.1kilo

Which makes it only a total of 2.1kilos down from my start weight, on D4. If, judging by the rate I'm dropping the kilos, it'd never attain the 7-8kilo weight loss it stated.

But, that's still fine, because not every diet works for everyone. What has me so miserable is that fact that even on my one meal a day diet, which I maintained for 2 months and lost 8kilos and maintained for over a year and counting, with another 2kilos shed somewhere along the way, didn't have me feeling quite as hungry constantly as I am on this diet.
My tummy is constantly growling, and I have this urge to snack so bad from the moment I wake up, that I actually end up eating a few nuts here and there to quell my stomach because the fruits and vegetables just doesn't cut it.

Perhaps that's why the weight didn't go down after day 2, because that's when the weird stomach happened, and even at this very moment, my tummy is growling, ferociously!

I still have another 3 days to go, and hopefully the results would make a turn for the better over the next few days, and since I get to include a cup of rice in my meal the next 3 days, my stomach wouldn't be quite so bad anymore, but honestly, I have half a mind of giving up on this diet already. Really never have I felt so upset and miserable when dieting, this is just crazy.

/give me strength to carry on!/

P.S: Although my BMI is now within the acceptable range based on height and weight, it really is just barely scrapping through, and I really do hope to be able to bring it down some more... About 5-6kilos from my own goal to an ideal weight for myself. But let's be honest here, I definitely won't say no to losing more, so let's just hope this works out well in the end, yea!