Movie break!

For someone whose last movie in a cinema was in November of last year, I ended up catching both X-Men: Days of Future Past and Maleficent within a week in cinemas!!

It was somewhat of a nice breakaway from everything else for that short two hours though, I must say. Just sitting in the darkened theatre, and thoroughly enjoying myself without a care for anything else... It has been a long 2 months, without rest for me, and this really came as a thorough enjoyment for myself!

I must say though, the ending to X-Men is gonna be hard to understand if you are slow on the uptake. But, Maleficent was just so wonderful! Sleeping Beauty had always been my favourite Disney princess, and this is just totally the icing on the cake!

OK, and now, as much as I would like to stay and blog more, I have to get back to work. Assignments are piling, and it sucks. BUT, many thanks to Tris, who has so kindly gifted me with a pair of tickets to catch BAP tonight, so at least it's not gonna be too dull a day for me!! :)

S T R E S S E D O U T

It's only week 2, and I feel like I'm already swamped with a whole lot to do. With an entire subject that is almost as good as working on a professional proposal, coupled with the need to actually go out and contact/meet stakeholders, conduct (professional) surveys and what not.. It seems like I'm actually looking at weeks of sleepless nights, countless research and report writing. Hopefully I can pull through this sem just fine. So stressed out by this project, and honestly, projects have never been my forte, but this one here is just downright scary. Probably one of, if not the toughest project I've even had to take on in all my years of education, and I just pray that we can do well for this..

POL seems to be almost as bad, because of the topic issue. Considering that 3 assignment are interrelated, it really shows how wise one must be when deciding on the topic to broach. Choosing one wrong topic would literally mean the death of your grades, and that's just BAD.

Really praying to all the gods out there, to see me through this sem well. I don't even ask for fantastic grades.. It really isn't necessary. I just don't wanna fail anything at all.

is it meant to be?

Honestly thought I have improved, and am stronger, and more capable of managing my emotions now. But it turns out, as shown through last night's episode, that I am indeed still lacking a lot in this department. It's not that I don't have the means to solve problems thrown at me. I know I can, but I tend to let my stress levels eat me up, and my emotions to run me down. The bottom line, is actually that I think too much. About things that I honestly should not let affect me.

I guess, one thing I need to overcome the most is the monster in my brain. That monster that keeps me thinking thoughts that are wholly unnecessary, that makes me upset when I don't even need to be, because I could just as well view any issue in an entirely opposite light, but I choose to think of the worse case scenario. Which, probably might not even be what is happening in fact.

However though, last night has led me to think, if this is really the path I should take in the future. As much as I do enjoy it, I tend to be afraid, and swallow myself up. And like I did say, my emotions are always running amok, which may not be the best for me. I suppose, I do need to revaluate myself, and what I want for myself in life. Be it personally, as an individual, or even just for the general future ahead of me.

One thing I know for certain, is that I need to stop being so soft, and be firm with my words and actions. To be more confident, and sure of myself. There's a lot I can change, and a lot I need to work on, but baby steps. Knowing what my main issues are at least, would allow me to make baby steps I need to improve myself.

rollercoaster

It's not easy knowing that I spent 10 years of my life in a place, and walking out of there without any true friend by my side, and I guess, just recently, I've came to that realisation that whatever I do, it will not bring back the past, and what's gone is gone. There is no going back to those young and ignorant days of mine, trying to make things better, and all I can do for now is to just move on and look forward, and try to make my life in its current stage better and more fulfilling. To treasure those around me even more, and to spend more time with them, as much as I can. And even if I am someone who don't often text people, that I should still contact them every once in awhile to show them that I still do think about them often. That even if I may not show it, that they do in fact matter very much to me.

Personally, I'm not someone who knows how to show people my affections well, I tend to get very clingy when close, and when we're still in the getting to know each other stage, I may appear all distant and what not. I'm not the easiest person to talk to, that's for sure. I have my bad days too. Being someone who's mood runs on the extreme, whereby I may be all cheerful one moment, and moody the next, it really isn't easy for those around me. But stick closer, and you'll come to find, that I'm someone very deserving and worthy of your friendship too.

For some reason unbeknownst to me, I can't seem to hold on to people very well. Perhaps it's my lack of effort put in to contact someone when I don't see them, but please don't hold it against me. I just don't quite know how to keep a conversation going when it's through such virtual means. I'm just more of a physical/face-to-face person...

Feeling really emotional these past few nights. Surging thoughts and just crazy emotional rollercoasters of feeling like I'm never good enough, for anyone. Honestly, I think I'm such a hypocrite right at this moment, because I just told a friend "nobody is ever not good enough" but here I am, belittling myself, because I really don't feel like I'm a good enough person to those around me sometimes, most of the time. And just, I don't feel very well liked, or wanted, and well... you get my point..?

But I guess, some scars never do fade away entirely, even if they do lighten over time (like that huge one on my leg :< ) And, it just leaves one feeling all sorts of insecurities, and making one erect walls all sorts of unnecessary. And it's just not easy to there them down again, even if you try really hard. Perhaps one day though, I'll be able to put down my load and start as new as I could possibly do so, and I'll be looking forward for that one day's arrival.

*Special thanks to those who's been telling me through WA that it's not the quantity but the quality that matters, and that no matter what I'll still have you by my side. It's comforting to know that through it all, there's still people who care, and really, I can't be more than thankful for this fact. Because at least I know, that I don't have to stand strong alone. That there's gonna be someone I can fall back on when I need to. Thank you for being there! And I will always be there for you too! <3