I need to get this off my chest

Mobile update, so forgive me if it turns out unformatted and messy, or even with bad grammar and spelling errors.

To me friends are just so important, and I try my hardest never to take them for granted. Truth be told, I never did have many friends myself, and whenever I have one whom I feel I can get along with better than most, I turn clingy.
Clingy. Not possessive. But I guess, it could turn out to be more than smothering most times, and made me lose friends along the way.

Back then I never did knew why my "friends" mysteriously stopped talking to me and I turned very emotional.
I am already sensitive and emotional by nature, maybe it has something to do with my horoscope, but who knows. Either way, things weren't the best for me, and over time, as I got to know myself more and understand the people around me and their thinking better, I tried to change the way I behave.

Although, I was a day too late in changing my behavior and honestly you can not turn back time and get back what was lost, it did some damage to me already.

I may be one of the most insecure person you will ever come across. Coupled with the fact that I am as gullible as a 3 year old, it really does not help my case.

It's not easy, leading a life like this, where you have to be wary of everything and everyone around you, to not over think about stupid little details and make me doubt myself and all. But sometimes, the road gets a little tough, and I can't help but wonder, am I really what they want in a friend, and what am I to this or that person.

I know how much that mere thought make me seem like the most unconfident person, and extremely insecure above all, but when you've been through what I've been through, then I guess you'd understand what it's like to be having these thoughts constantly running through your head.

To be honest, there's two ways people like us behave. We either try to please everyone to our highest capability, or we end up trying to make ourselves invisible and shut ourself from the rest of the world. Certain days, I don't know which I prefer doing and it makes my brain hurt just trying to decide.

But now, I just try to show everyone the real me, and put aside these insecurities, as difficult as it may be. And to stand a little stronger everyday.

Right now though, all I want is to curl into a ball and cry. I feel like I haven't done enough for those around me. I feel like I'm lacking. I feel insignificant. And I just can't seem to rid myself of these thoughts. And yet, as much as I want to do both their boggling me and refuse to leave my body.

Having typed these all out now, doesn't exactly help me either. But hopefully after tonight's sleep, I'd wake up feeling better, stronger and more confident.

Life in Singapore

Honestly a topic that all of us would have went through and are still in the process of going through.

Today, I will be sharing my thoughts on the life of a Singaporean, so to speak.

 

It is, in all our knowledge that without a cert(degree) we would not be able to get anywhere in Singapore. Honestly. Well, having a diploma is not so bad, but say you have an A'level cert, it really just doesn't do as well, because you lack that "internship" process that those who went to polytechnic would have achieved, which is also what more prospective employers look for.

 

But anyway, that's beside the point, and not what I am intending to talk about today.

As we all may know, Singapore has 3 local universities, namely NUS, NTU and SMU. And if you took the polytechnic route of education, you would be more than well aware, that anything short of a GPA of 3.5 will NOT entitle you a seat in. It is extremely unfair, I must say because why should A'level holders be entitled entry even if they did not do as well, while we who take the other road gets shunned. Leaving us with the only option of private universities with exorbitant school fees, to say the least.

 

Well, so the government sort of heard our voices, and decided to build SIT, a university housing select private (foreign) university, with the intent of it being for polytechnic students.

 

OK, so just the other day on twitter I came across the fact that for the upcoming intake, 20% of the students who applied into said university, actually did have a GPA of 3.5 and above. So I kinda made comment about these people not leaving a chance for the rest.

 

Not trying to gain any pity or what. And neither am I saying any of these because of self-entitlement, but don't you feel that sometimes, everyone is a little too self-centred? It first started out with secondary school leavers who can make it to JC but choosing to go into poly, thus bringing all the grade point average up a notch, and making it harder for the rest to get into poly, thus requiring the route of ITE. and now, this again.

 

Yet in Singapore, we all know that anything short of a degree won't get you anywhere, and when it comes to that, what are those who are unable to get into a university supposed to do. I'd guess they'd all be jobless then? Because Singaporeans being Singaporeans, are always so self-absorbed and thinks so highly of themselves that they would never relegate themselves to working in jobs such as retail and F&B, but rather leaving it to foreign talents, namely the Filipinos and Chinese nationals then turn around, and complain about them taking up all the available jobs in Singapore.

 

But then again, that's another story for another time.

 

OK, I just needed to voice out my thoughts on this.

KKBOX GOOGLE+ HANGOUT WITH JJ LIN!

So, in my earlier post, I mentioned the live chat with JJ, and yes, the special guest cum host was Harry of Da Mouth! The best friends, who sang "Somebody", track 9 of JJ's latest album together.

 

Anyway, my jaws hurts from smiling too much now, but that's still cool though. Cos Harry said I've a really nice smile, and even jokingly started asking me about my horoscope and for my number even though he knew I'm only 20, and heaps younger than both he and JJ is (11 & 12 years respectively)! OK,I should be gushing about JJ as I normally would, but bear with me here!

 

So, my question to JJ was, "Every time you miss home(Singapore), what are some of the things you will do, and what are the local dishes that you most wish to eat." I should have asked in Chinese, but, I was afraid I'd stutter from being too nervous and spoke in English instead. Well, they both understand, so that much is cool.

 

JJ then cutely told Harry to translate for him, AND he replied to me in English! Awesome fan service or what you tell me! So skipping to the part where he talks about the dishes he misses the most, Harry started this weird random hand sign that honestly, made no sense if you don't understand English. Anyway, he said other than the standard chicken rice and laksa... And Harry was like what's that? With which JJ replied, "La Sha", I bet he still don't understand though... and Indian curry, basically because you just can't get it anywhere, with it tasting like it does in Singapore, or needless to say, India, which he hasn't been to though.

 

And here, Harry asked me what I liked, and well, chili crab of course! My absolute favourite. Well, anything cooked with crab is a favourite but that's beside the point here. Harry got so excited and said everything about how the chili crab had an egg in it, and JJ got around to squabbling with him, because, no one would bother mentioning about the egg since it's just mainly egg white stirred in to give it texture and colour, but yea, I humoured him and said there was and Harry got so happy :) and then I brought up man tou and they both got all excited again! WHY ARE THEY SO CUTE!!!!

 

Oh yea, pre-questions from the fans they played a game, and when asked what superhero he saw himself as, JJ answered "The Dark Knight" and then when Harry got around to asking him about it, JJ called it Batman and Harry was like all what are you talking about? Didn't you say you were the dark knight? Where did batman appear from. And JJ was like, gosh, you have no imagination. Didn't you know in the third series, Batman was known as The Dark Knight. LOLOL. These two too cute when they're always fibbing like that any time they appear on broadcasts together!

 

Well, I'll link the video when they processed and posted it up aye~!

SORRY GUYS

I haven't posted for over a month, and nothing can excuse this behaviour.
Honestly, I don't even know why, but mainly just because I am too lazy to even turn my laptop on.

Well, I'll try to get at least one post up per week now aye!

ANYWAY! In about less than 2 hours, JJ's live video chat held by KKBOX and Google+ will be broadcasted on Youtube. So, ALL JMs, don't miss out on that yea!

AND! of the thousands that applied, I am one of the lucky four chosen to be able to speak to him over the chat and ask him a question of my own!

So freaking excited for that! Will be back after the chat ends to update on that ^^

Anyhow, my week in a few sentences now, although, it is only slightly past midweek so far.

Monday was a lazy day, so nothing much on that end. Tuesday, had an impromptu dinner date with my BBG. And yesterday night was spent watching the lil'sis drama performance at SHHK.

Alright, be back with a proper post later on, or tomorrow.