Save my body

I honestly need to stop mistreating my body like this.

 

It all started at the end of last year, when I hit my highest weight ever, and I couldn't accept it anymore, and took to dieting. Lost a total of 8kilos in 2 months, and personally, I can't see the difference, and it's apparently not visible to my family either, but people who I've been seeing recently who hasn't seen me has been telling me I lost quite a substantial amount of weight, and am looking so much better. But seriously speaking, it still isn't enough to me.

 

And this kinda scares me, because I don't know how much more is enough going to be, and I'm afraid I'd never be able to stop even when and if I hit the acceptable weight range for my height, which is a good 7-10kilos less than what I am currently weighing.

 

My diet, is seriously one that I would not recommend to anyone at all, considering how for that entire 2 months up till Chinese New Year this year, I took only one, extremely tiny meal a day to lose all that weight. And still, despite wanting to lose weight, I am still unwilling to exercise. Which, honestly, shouldn't be the way to go.

 

I stopped that ridiculous diet, but even so, my body has been thoroughly ruined already. Anyone who has been through extreme diets would know what I mean... My digestive tracks are totally not working as per how a normal person's would, and my stomach is constantly growling even if I am not hungry. I just can't explain it either. Although, luckily for me, I am not (have not been) plagued by any gastric issues (before), and seriously, I hope it remains as such.

 

Recently though, I've been going on just one meal a day again due to being busy at work, and I'm feeling the repercussions right now. Even though it has helped me to lose another 2kilos in just 1.5 weeks, it's not going down very well with my body. Feeling all so uncomfortable right now, and my stomach is just growling on and on even though I had dinner. Albeit it being a late one, closer to 8pm, and my previous meal being slightly before 12pm, and just a bowl of cereal.

 

Told myself to have proper meals this week, even if just for mon-thurs where I don't have to work, but it's just not happening. What with nobody being home, I just tend to skip my meals because I get lazy to prepare food for just myself, and am even more lazy at the thought of going out to get a meal. And because of that, I end up eating at like 4 or 5 when I get really hungry, and skip dinner which makes just only one meal a day again.

 

And as if that isn't bad enough, I'm getting really little sleep. Ever since night fest 'officially' began, I sleep really late and wake up even later, but after the weekends were over, I still sleep really late and yet, wake up really early, and then am not able to go back to sleep. Yet at night, I still can't sleep early. Just take last night for example... I slept close to 5am :( It's not even that I don't want to sleep... I just somehow, can't.

 

THIS. NEEDS. TO. S.T.O.P.

 

My body just cannot take it anymore T^T