Late night thoughts

It's always at times like these, when instead of sleeping, my mind starts to whir. 

You might not know otherwise, but with all the things I've gone through, even at such a young age, it has left me with much hurt and a cynical mind. 

To be very honest, I'm already sensitive enough as it is. But as things happens, and as I fall and hurt myself along the way, I just end up getting more scarred and sensitive then I was. 

Although it may be true, that I have indeed become numb to much of it. Certain stuff does trigger it off, and leaving me to over think things. 

Especially when it ends up such that I'm alone (at night). Have never said this, but I really dislike being alone when I sleep, having had shared a room with my sister since forever. 

One issue that always have me on edge, is the "no reply". I believe though, I'm not the only one, and many of you are with this on me. 

Like when people, friends, your significant other half, whoever it may be, fail to reply your text... I'm sure you're always left wondering if its because you're not worth their time or attention etc...

Or when people claim they miss you, but do nothing to remedy that, be it talking to you, meeting up with you, and even rejecting your offers to meet up.

You may say I think too much, but well, I'm pretty darn sure I don't stand alone on this issue. 

Ok, well, that's about it I guess. Just needed someplace to get it off my chest, and this blog is pretty much for that purpose anyway!

Yes, and in spite of how bleak this post is, I'll leave you all with this. 

Appalled and dismayed

I don't normally bother myself with reading things on forums like TRS and other pages on Facebook because the things I read, I know would anger me.

Not saying in anyway, that I am the most righteous citizen that you would meet, but at least I do not go around criticizing and defaming people for things which are not in anyway their fault.

Many of these issues are apparent in cases, take for example blogger Xiaxue and her hoards of anti fans, who I presume, dislike her just because she is receiving more attention than they ever would in a single day as opposed to them in their lifetime.

But that's beside the point here. So I just happen to come across this blog post shared by a friend on Facebook, sharing the thoughts of this other blogger, Melissa ( http://milomel.blogspot.sg/2013/05/today-i-am-ashamed-of-being-singaporean.html?m=1 ) on the atrocity of the comments surrounding a foreign student who posted about her experience on TRS ( http://m.therealsingapore.com/?url=http%3A%2F%2Ftherealsingapore.com%2Fcontent%2Fexchange-student-no-one-stand-me-when-i-got-molested-publicly-clarke-quay#2748 )

I share Melissa's stand on this because who are these people, to comment that it is her fault for getting molested. If it were to happen to you, wouldn't you be expecting the same of those around you? To help?

I suppose they never did think about that, huh. Seeing how quick they were to jump to conclusions that she only got molested because she was wearing clothes too revealing. Because she asked for it just by going to a club. Because she didn't stay at home. Because she is a foreigner.

So from what they are saying, any girls who do not dresses up in clothes that covers them from head to toe deserves to get molested? And that any girl who goes to a club should expect to get molested? Or that any girl who even steps out if her house deserves a mans hand on her?

And to the man who told said foreign girl she is lucky not to be in a body bag, you need to grow some sense. What happened to her could just as much happen to your sister, your girlfriend or even your mother. I'd like to see you telling them the same if they were in such a situation.
For anyone who has been through a situation as such, it is already traumatizing enough not to have to think about what could have had happened if there was no one to help them, or if they were not strong enough to have stood their ground.

The fact that she is a foreigner does not discount the fact that she is as human and you and I, and deserves all the right for people around her to help her, and stop the man from touching her inappropriately. If it were to happen to any of you in another country, and the people refuses to help you just because you are a foreigner, what would you feel!

Also, that she stood up for herself is the right thing to do. Walking away would never solve the issue because then the offender would know they can get away with it, and continue doing it and assaulting anyone else he likes. What if his next victim were to be you! I'm sure you would not be singing the same tune then.

It really is disgusting how many Singaporeans could even think so shallowly and believe it is her fault for getting into such a situation.

My week in words

Last week was one of the weeks where, discounting the weekends which I spent in school, a week where I actually spent more time home then out compared to previous weeks. And truth be told, I enjoy it. The time spent at home is always good for me, to catch up on some reading, think through stuff and more.

 

Tuesday had me up earlier than most days so mummy and I could go visit grandmother. Went to Kovan to buy lunch first before going to pickup the aunt and baby D before heading back to hougang to see grandmother. Spent almost the whole afternoon there, and some time in the afternoon, the 2nd grandaunt came over, which made things so much more lively! Baby D had me running all around the house playing catching and hide and seek too~

 

And on Wednesday, since daddy didn't have to work, we had a stay home lunch of cheese and crackers coupled with fruits and salad! Lunches like these are always the best, seeing how we're home and can end up playing and having so much more fun then if we dine out! And although from the sound of it, we didn't seem to have a lot to eat, I was more than full at the end of it, and ended up skipping dinner and only having a banana much later in the night!

 

On Thursday however, I went out for some quality time with W. Hadn't seen her in more than a month what with her schedule being forever too packed for me to ask her out, and her going to Korea! Caught Ironman 3, and it was pretty good I must say, although as usual, where action packed films are involved, it had me squirming and squealing. Really lousy with action and gore...

Had Nihon Mura after, and then went window shopping for clothes! Totally wishing I had the moolah to be buying though! the spring/summer clothes are all so pretty and vibrant!

 

The later half of Friday was spent with JY, over at my place and just watching all the random movies we could find on MioTV, WGM global and a really OLD ep of RM cos she wanted to watch it. But still fun nonetheless! Hanging out with JY is always good on my pocket :) No need for spending! HEHE

 

And as I mentioned earlier, over the weekend, I found myself in school, for one of my bridging subjects: Business Law. For what I believed to be a dry subject, I am thankful for such a boisterous and loud lecturer to make the learning easier, and more enjoyable. It really is rather interesting to be learning about law, I must say.

 

And yes, I officially start school on the 13/05, which is next Monday, and I've also my orientation this Thursday, so I am looking forward to meeting new people and my classmates to be :)

And last night, we had a mini mother's day celebration at the paternal gram's. Done this early because the cousin is enlisting next Saturday! Being around family is always so joyous! We don't meet as a big group often, and to be able to is just really nice, always!

I need to get this off my chest

Mobile update, so forgive me if it turns out unformatted and messy, or even with bad grammar and spelling errors.

To me friends are just so important, and I try my hardest never to take them for granted. Truth be told, I never did have many friends myself, and whenever I have one whom I feel I can get along with better than most, I turn clingy.
Clingy. Not possessive. But I guess, it could turn out to be more than smothering most times, and made me lose friends along the way.

Back then I never did knew why my "friends" mysteriously stopped talking to me and I turned very emotional.
I am already sensitive and emotional by nature, maybe it has something to do with my horoscope, but who knows. Either way, things weren't the best for me, and over time, as I got to know myself more and understand the people around me and their thinking better, I tried to change the way I behave.

Although, I was a day too late in changing my behavior and honestly you can not turn back time and get back what was lost, it did some damage to me already.

I may be one of the most insecure person you will ever come across. Coupled with the fact that I am as gullible as a 3 year old, it really does not help my case.

It's not easy, leading a life like this, where you have to be wary of everything and everyone around you, to not over think about stupid little details and make me doubt myself and all. But sometimes, the road gets a little tough, and I can't help but wonder, am I really what they want in a friend, and what am I to this or that person.

I know how much that mere thought make me seem like the most unconfident person, and extremely insecure above all, but when you've been through what I've been through, then I guess you'd understand what it's like to be having these thoughts constantly running through your head.

To be honest, there's two ways people like us behave. We either try to please everyone to our highest capability, or we end up trying to make ourselves invisible and shut ourself from the rest of the world. Certain days, I don't know which I prefer doing and it makes my brain hurt just trying to decide.

But now, I just try to show everyone the real me, and put aside these insecurities, as difficult as it may be. And to stand a little stronger everyday.

Right now though, all I want is to curl into a ball and cry. I feel like I haven't done enough for those around me. I feel like I'm lacking. I feel insignificant. And I just can't seem to rid myself of these thoughts. And yet, as much as I want to do both their boggling me and refuse to leave my body.

Having typed these all out now, doesn't exactly help me either. But hopefully after tonight's sleep, I'd wake up feeling better, stronger and more confident.

Life in Singapore

Honestly a topic that all of us would have went through and are still in the process of going through.

Today, I will be sharing my thoughts on the life of a Singaporean, so to speak.

 

It is, in all our knowledge that without a cert(degree) we would not be able to get anywhere in Singapore. Honestly. Well, having a diploma is not so bad, but say you have an A'level cert, it really just doesn't do as well, because you lack that "internship" process that those who went to polytechnic would have achieved, which is also what more prospective employers look for.

 

But anyway, that's beside the point, and not what I am intending to talk about today.

As we all may know, Singapore has 3 local universities, namely NUS, NTU and SMU. And if you took the polytechnic route of education, you would be more than well aware, that anything short of a GPA of 3.5 will NOT entitle you a seat in. It is extremely unfair, I must say because why should A'level holders be entitled entry even if they did not do as well, while we who take the other road gets shunned. Leaving us with the only option of private universities with exorbitant school fees, to say the least.

 

Well, so the government sort of heard our voices, and decided to build SIT, a university housing select private (foreign) university, with the intent of it being for polytechnic students.

 

OK, so just the other day on twitter I came across the fact that for the upcoming intake, 20% of the students who applied into said university, actually did have a GPA of 3.5 and above. So I kinda made comment about these people not leaving a chance for the rest.

 

Not trying to gain any pity or what. And neither am I saying any of these because of self-entitlement, but don't you feel that sometimes, everyone is a little too self-centred? It first started out with secondary school leavers who can make it to JC but choosing to go into poly, thus bringing all the grade point average up a notch, and making it harder for the rest to get into poly, thus requiring the route of ITE. and now, this again.

 

Yet in Singapore, we all know that anything short of a degree won't get you anywhere, and when it comes to that, what are those who are unable to get into a university supposed to do. I'd guess they'd all be jobless then? Because Singaporeans being Singaporeans, are always so self-absorbed and thinks so highly of themselves that they would never relegate themselves to working in jobs such as retail and F&B, but rather leaving it to foreign talents, namely the Filipinos and Chinese nationals then turn around, and complain about them taking up all the available jobs in Singapore.

 

But then again, that's another story for another time.

 

OK, I just needed to voice out my thoughts on this.

KKBOX GOOGLE+ HANGOUT WITH JJ LIN!

So, in my earlier post, I mentioned the live chat with JJ, and yes, the special guest cum host was Harry of Da Mouth! The best friends, who sang "Somebody", track 9 of JJ's latest album together.

 

Anyway, my jaws hurts from smiling too much now, but that's still cool though. Cos Harry said I've a really nice smile, and even jokingly started asking me about my horoscope and for my number even though he knew I'm only 20, and heaps younger than both he and JJ is (11 & 12 years respectively)! OK,I should be gushing about JJ as I normally would, but bear with me here!

 

So, my question to JJ was, "Every time you miss home(Singapore), what are some of the things you will do, and what are the local dishes that you most wish to eat." I should have asked in Chinese, but, I was afraid I'd stutter from being too nervous and spoke in English instead. Well, they both understand, so that much is cool.

 

JJ then cutely told Harry to translate for him, AND he replied to me in English! Awesome fan service or what you tell me! So skipping to the part where he talks about the dishes he misses the most, Harry started this weird random hand sign that honestly, made no sense if you don't understand English. Anyway, he said other than the standard chicken rice and laksa... And Harry was like what's that? With which JJ replied, "La Sha", I bet he still don't understand though... and Indian curry, basically because you just can't get it anywhere, with it tasting like it does in Singapore, or needless to say, India, which he hasn't been to though.

 

And here, Harry asked me what I liked, and well, chili crab of course! My absolute favourite. Well, anything cooked with crab is a favourite but that's beside the point here. Harry got so excited and said everything about how the chili crab had an egg in it, and JJ got around to squabbling with him, because, no one would bother mentioning about the egg since it's just mainly egg white stirred in to give it texture and colour, but yea, I humoured him and said there was and Harry got so happy :) and then I brought up man tou and they both got all excited again! WHY ARE THEY SO CUTE!!!!

 

Oh yea, pre-questions from the fans they played a game, and when asked what superhero he saw himself as, JJ answered "The Dark Knight" and then when Harry got around to asking him about it, JJ called it Batman and Harry was like all what are you talking about? Didn't you say you were the dark knight? Where did batman appear from. And JJ was like, gosh, you have no imagination. Didn't you know in the third series, Batman was known as The Dark Knight. LOLOL. These two too cute when they're always fibbing like that any time they appear on broadcasts together!

 

Well, I'll link the video when they processed and posted it up aye~!

SORRY GUYS

I haven't posted for over a month, and nothing can excuse this behaviour.
Honestly, I don't even know why, but mainly just because I am too lazy to even turn my laptop on.

Well, I'll try to get at least one post up per week now aye!

ANYWAY! In about less than 2 hours, JJ's live video chat held by KKBOX and Google+ will be broadcasted on Youtube. So, ALL JMs, don't miss out on that yea!

AND! of the thousands that applied, I am one of the lucky four chosen to be able to speak to him over the chat and ask him a question of my own!

So freaking excited for that! Will be back after the chat ends to update on that ^^

Anyhow, my week in a few sentences now, although, it is only slightly past midweek so far.

Monday was a lazy day, so nothing much on that end. Tuesday, had an impromptu dinner date with my BBG. And yesterday night was spent watching the lil'sis drama performance at SHHK.

Alright, be back with a proper post later on, or tomorrow.