project: feed myself

As always, when the parents travel, on their countless honeymoons, my siblings and I are left to our own devices at home, and being someone who gets really lazy about going out, because having to dress up and stuff sometimes requires too much effort, would just end up making myself food more often than not. And, if my siblings are home, then they'd get to eat whatever I decide to whip up that particular day.

So, the parent's aren't back yet, and they'd only be back tomorrow, but I start work tomorrow, so that means today would be the last of my needing to feed myself whilst they're gone. And without much further ado, here's a documentary of what I've dished up over the last 2 weeks.

salmon fillet and side of veggies + glass of pinot noir

fresh fruit on pancakes drizzled in honey

veggie + mushroom risotto cooked in chicken stock

beef, potato and tomato stew

potato pancakes with mushroom and ham

obviously cheat cooking where the only thing I actually had to make was the scrambled eggs

veggie + mushroom spaghetti

fillet of cod + sausages with a side of mash and fresh veggies

baked creamy macaroni with salmon chunks and carrot cubes

& that one meal my sister cooked, but I plated

There are one or two meals not pictured here, because I forgotten to photograph them, food items like what one could typically see on a Chinese family dinner table of stir-fried veggies and steam fish, and the likes, or other equally lazy/cheat cooking like oats or steaming myself some paos because I only had to feed myself, and just couldn't be bothered with cooking up a full meal...

But yes, looking at the above, I am pretty much qualified to be a housewife, no? I can do the laundry and more too :) HAHAHAHA

Alright, so jokes aside, what do you think? Not too shabby eh... But then again, I have been cooking meals for the three of us since the parents decided we were independent enough to leave us home and go travelling on their own since close to 8 years back, so I can definitely say, without a doubt that my culinary skills is pretty good!

move on

Was feeling all sorts of happy. I had just came off a 1.5 hours worth of watching my idol interact with fans online. 

And then, my feelings dropped off the depths of the earth upon seeing a photo. I shouldn't be feeling this way. It's was pass time for me to still be, considering how I haven't actually spoken to said person the photo belong to in months. But it seems, my heart and my brain doesn't work hand in hand.

But, now, I can just confirm one thing. It really is time for me to move on. Because what use is there holding on to someone, if they can't see your worth. And I know, that I am worth so much more than I make myself out to be. One day, I will find for myself, someone who will love me more than I can ever love myself. That day may not be today, tomorrow or even anytime soon, but that day will come. And until that day comes, I should stand tall, and love myself more, because who else would do so, if I myself can't even.

No more putting myself down for other people. No more letting my feelings be taken over by people who don't see what I'm worth. No more of that.

I'll miss you.

It has been an extremely long and trying week, from what should have been an afternoon of visiting grandma ended up with me being shook awake in shock to learn about her death a mere 3 hours upon reaching home after work in the morning.

To say that I was crushed, would be taking it lightly. Grandma was and is the only reason I can speak in teowchew, however minimally it is, and understand it as well as I do now. For the sole reason that other than teowchew, she only understands bahasa melayu from her time spent working in the hospitals as an amah.

At that point, I had not been to see her for about a week and a half, and the morning she passed, was the one day I was free to visit her that week. But alas, fate decides that it should play such a cruel trick on me. Especially considering how I actually felt some weird tugging on my heart on the way home from work, a little niggling that just didn't bode too well with me. But still, it was late. 3AM going on 4, and how could I bring myself to go over to her place at that timing and disturb her, and my aunt and the helper at that timing, knowing that grandma barely sleeps at night anymore.

To be honest, I knew, that she had not many days left, not when she was refusing to eat or drink, and barely sleeping either. The fact that she was in and out of hospital as frequently as she did gave me an inclination to her state. But still, as much as I would have liked for her to stop suffering, I was, unprepared to lose her.

At this point though, all I can say is, grandma, we'll keep the family ties strong, and may you find grandpa, and rest in peace, and look after us all from above. You'll forever be in our memories, and we'll miss you dearly.

I LOVE YOU, GRANDMA!

unsettled

It's been awhile, and never have I expected that my first post back after almost 4 months to be of such a depressive nature, but I guess things just have a way of its own.

You can say, that my mental state has been quite affected as of late what with things going on, and just some old stuff being brought to light. I probably did mention this somewhere before, and it's true, that I've never been the most well-liked person around. But I thought with time, and certain friends who have stuck around despite my quirks and blunt personality,  I have grew out of that overly sensitive and emotional me. Yet it seems, I probably am not as strong as I would like myself to believe. This new found information, as shared to me from someone who I knew from back then, left me much much more affected than I thought. Although to be honest, this was just a part of the reason why, because thankfully I have friends around me to pull me out from that.

What probably affected me more, was coming across a post from someone who I had once thought of to be a really good friend, although I can't say I think of that someone as that anymore. The things that happened, its irreversible, and nothing could possibly change the fact that I've been hurt one too many times. And its true, you may mend a broken mirror, but the cracks will forever remain. Whats more, despite the chances I gave, and the efforts I put forth, no apology ever came, and thats what hurts the most. That you don't see the need to apologise, or that you probably don't even now what you did wrong.

And if all these wasn't enough, I've probably never had more on my mind than now. I've been plagued with so much feelings and emotions, and just can't seem to figure things out. It honestly would be so great, if I could just know what was going on, and not be left waiting, wondering and feeling so torn up over things right now. Hopefully though, things would settle down soon, and that I can find some peace within myself, and just put the past behind me. Because whoever said time heals all wounds was lying.

*on a side note though, I promise to be back with an update on my trip to taiwan last month soonest!

one step closer

Final Semester of my 20 months stint in university.

So excited at the prospect of being that much closer to receiving my degree, yet at the same time, all sorts of worried for my future. But that aside though, looking at my near future, what I can say is, I'm gonna have to put in so much more effort this semester as compared to previous semesters.

As if it isn't enough that studying in a private university means having to be highly motivated, and having the drive to self study (which I obviously do not do enough of), I happen to be highly unfortunate this semester, and have the same lecturer for both of my marketing mods. The thing though, is that this lecturer is a total uncle, who can't seem to speak much less teach properly. Especially when I look at past modules, the concepts he teach doesn't even sounds the same half the time.

So my only hope, is myself, but that really doesn't sound to promising either. Which means, I can only pray. HAHAHA.

Ok, but my whining aside, I really have so much I wanna blog about, but can never seem to find the time and sit down to draft it out proper. Assignments are already piling up to my neck, and it's only week 2 >:( I'll try my best though.. We'll see how it goes.

And for now, it's back to report writing for me..

I didn't die

HELLO!

No, I didn't disappear. Was just so overwhelmed by school and exams the past few months.

Never have I worked on a project so much. I can't say I did so diligently, because, I definitely did slack off sometimes, well, who wouldn't. But then to be honest, it was really one of the hardest project I've ever worked on, and also the most time consuming one. Yet at the end of the day, it made me so happy to know that we've attained a distinction for that project, and the presentation to the organisation went really well, and they gave us loads of praises for the project, so it was really satisfying.

Then exams started right after the projects was done with, so I barely had any time for myself, what with studying and everything else.

And immediately after exams ended, right now even, I'm working on SG Night Festival!

It's my third year working on this project already, and it gives me so much satisfaction to be able to work on this project continuously even after I've left my internship company and all. This being such a huge event and on a national/government scale as well.

That aside though, I really do intend on keeping up this blog, and will try my best to post more often!

Now though, I better be getting back to work! So, see ya'll around!

Make up woes

First off, long time no see 囧rz // I didn't mean to leave this space empty for all that long, but I guess I've just kinda been drowning in a sea of never ending assignments. This semester's pretty much heavily assignment based and just all sorts of self discipline (which I honestly lack in). Well, to cut the story short though, just gotten 3 submissions and 2 presentations out of the way over the last 2 weeks, and am looking at 1 presentation next Tuesday, 1 test next Sunday, followed by 2 submission the following week (which also coincides with my birthday chalet weekend, ugh)!

Alright, anyway, to get back to why I'm here typing this post out on my mobile (while I should actually be getting my readings done, to be honest)... 

Make up woes. Or rather make up woes for people living in Singapore. 

Just popped by Sephora the other day to get myself some new eyeliners because I was out of one and running out of another, and lo and behold, prices have went up!!!!! Make up is really way too expensive in Singapore (first world problems!) Just take a look at all the Korean cosmetic brands, sure you may think it's cheap compared to what you can get in Sephora etc, but they probably cost 1.5-2 times as much as what you can get them for in Korea! Anyway, back to My buys at Sephora, Urban Decay's 24/7 eyeliner is now $32, $2 up from it's previous cost of $30 :( ok you may say that it's not even that much of an increase, but for someone who goes through an entire length of eyeliner as quickly as I do, you'd definitely feel the pinch. (It's only $20 in Sephora US, which comes up to 25SGD). 

Which brings me to the next make up woe! Lining my eyes! Being someone with a monolid, and as many other ladies with monolids would know, our eyelids swallows up the eyeliner. So drawing a thin line along your lash line is never gonna work out. It takes probably 3-5 times what someone with a double eyelid would apply, for us to even look like we have eyeliners on. But that's only when we have our eyes open. The moment we close them, you'd probably be looking at a mountain. 

And this is also why, a smudge proof eyeliner will always be a monolid girl's best friend. Because when you open your eyes, they'd most probably rub off on the upper half of your eyelids leaving you with a dirty eyeliner look, which no one really wants. And that's why my favourite pencil liner, would always be Urban Decay's 24/7 in Perversion (which could probably pass off to be blacker than charcoal!), which is really, smudge proof! And honestly, it's not easy finding eyeliners that actually stay for over 8hours without budging a bit. So this one is really a gem. It's just a pity that the prices went up though...

On a side note, the other eyeliner that I finished and wanted to get again, Stila's smudge stick water proof liner which I had actually finish sometime ago was still conveniently out of stock, so I've decided to just forgo it since I've been looking for months and in multiple outlets to no avail, and decided to try out one from NYX. Haven't actually tested it out for the wearability yet, but when I tested it in the shop, it actually dried really quick, and didn't budge at all! So, I'll just have to test it out for a day wear and see if it's really just as good!! P.s. This costs only $11!